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Writer's pictureSummer Vvvera

alien dreams

this is my 12th year in the country and my id card told me i'm an alien.


i had an american dream when i was a teenager - to pursue more freedom in choices; to take the challenge of landing myself in a place where all i knew was from textbooks and people speak english here; and to be a foreigner.


the days as a student brought more fun and excitement, but the journey of being a foreigner in the u.s., pursuing a dream career, feels like running a marathon in flip-flops.. i need to be extra cautious not to lose it, even though it's so slippery and hurts my feet, i still need it to protect my feet, otherwise i'll be out of the game. the constant pressure of maintaining legal status is like a slow-level suffocation that lingers day by day.

i am tired, but i can't quit.


over the past few years, i've changed jobs thrice, all due to visa issues. either the company couldn't sponsor an h1b, or they promised sponsorship but failed to keep their word. i've encountered plenty of drama negotiating sponsorship issues with companies, applying for jobs under time constraints, when i was so stressed out that i either couldn't sleep or i was dreaming about interviewing for a job. the stress feels like sprinting through a maze with a ticking clock. it's akin to participating in a high-stakes scavenger hunt, where every passing day is a reminder of the narrowing window to secure a job. the pressure is palpable, like a race against time where each resume submitted, every networking event attended, and every interview conducted feels like a crucial step in a marathon towards securing the golden ticket – a job offer so i can stay.


i am grateful to have a few friends who cared and felt concerned about me, even though it was hard to explain how it feels to be an alien in the u.s., how much non-citizenship comtrols my life, and the challenges i need to overcome in pursuing my american dream. i am pursuing the freedom of choice, but ironically, we are limited by the type of work we can choose while on a student visa, which needs to align with our major. luckily, i do love my major and enjoy working in this environmental and sustainability field.


i'm facing the drama again because i didn't get the h1b lottery, and my student visa expired, leading me to leave my dream company. it took me two months to recover from my sadness and manage all the legal issues simultaneously. during those days, desperation loomed as i contemplated going through the stress again simply because i'm not a u.s. citizen, regardless of my love for my work or dedication.


everyone has their struggles. amidst the challenges of pursuing my american dream, i am hopeful. i'll pick up the hard rocks strewn across my path and use them to pave my future. it's a journey, and i respect every choice i've made, taking responsibility until the day i say, "i made it."



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