competitive evil

i'm evil sometimes. i have a strong devil deep down which comes from my competitiveness.

for example, i like studying and doing work at coffee shops. usually, i can be more productive than in the classroom because when i feel everyone else is just chilling and not doing anything, but i am doing more "meaningful" work, i feel so good about myself that i'm able to do the work in my full speed and highly focused.

the feeling of being "superior" is my evilness.

being competitive helped me achieve goals and do a better job, but it also brings me frustration about myself, and sometimes depression. if i felt i did less than my peers that day, it could easily destroy my day and put me in a low mood, which then made me not want to do anything or go out with friends. it became a negative feedback loop and trapped me in my sadness circle. make matters worse, sometimes i even don't know whom i am comparing to. then i'll go out to a coffee shop as a quick fix, which doesn't solve the root problem.

seriously, who cares? the fact is there will always be someone better than me, but also someone worse than me. no one can stay at the top one forever, which is neither realistic nor necessary. there are other joys to be the dumb one sometimes, so just relax. it's ok. life is long so enjoy the journey :)

go to a coffee shop and enjoy the smell, the music, the laugh, the chit-chat... ...happy labor day!