fake perfectionism

i am not a perfectionist, but sometimes i attempted to fake it.

aka. make excuses for procrastination.

i procrastinated on starting this blog because i was trying to find the "best" website builder and read many comparison articles about pros and cons, titled "what's best for you". i spent a lot of time watching YouTube tutorials on how to design a website using different web builders and other tools; what's the "best" template; what are the "best" design ideas.

non-stop learning and obsessively watching others doing things is one of my biggest fake perfectionisms, which causes procrastination.

learning feels good and easy. there are no consequences attached to purely learning. it is so secure that it has become my comfort zone, and I have convinced myself that I am just striving for "perfection" to avoid errors in the future.

similar to watching others doing things. it can make me feel even better because of the illusion i made it.

no. not until i execute the project myself. not until i go through all the roadblocks and frustrations myself. not until i overcome the activation energy and started step one.

otherwise, i'm just faking to be a perfectionist.

there is a stop line on imagining you got all the perfect resources to start.

i wish school could teach us more about how to actually do things - execution, instead of focusing on learning. especially at work, most of the time the company and your manager want the end results. they want you to do things and don't care much about how you did it.

pretending to be perfect seems easy, but actually doing things can feel messy. yes, get your hands dirty.

what helped me is to start a teeny tiny step one, and tell myself it's ok, no one cares if you are perfect. if i don't start today, i'll never do it. making a mess is better than doing nothing.

so, i opened Wix, and chose a "good enough" template in 30mins.

this was my step one. to start this blog which i procrastinated for months.

it's ok to admit i fake to be a perfectionist as an excuse to procrastinate. otherwise, how can i improve?