forgiveness

i couldn't forgive my best friend who gave up our friendship and left my life.

i couldn't forgive the high school kids who bullied me and always left me behind.

i couldn't forgive my parents who left me alone in the hospital for months.

i couldn't forgive the doctors who tightened and locked me on the psychiatric floor with the madman.

the truth is not i couldn't forgive those who used to hurt me, but i couldn't forgive myself.

i couldn't forgive myself for saying the ruthless words to my best friend and hurting her.

i couldn't forgive myself for feeling less than and incapable than other girls at high school.

i couldn't forgive myself for expecting my parents to do everything for me and achieving all of my asks.

i couldn't forgive myself for being sick.

i couldn't forgive myself so i blamed others.

i couldn't forget because it hurts.

but i forgot how much more they brought me than they took away from me.

i forgot how much happiness i had during our friendship and how she brought the best school life memory to me.

i forgot how much stronger and more independent i became when i was left alone by other girls.

i forgot how much my parents loved me and always gave me the best they had.

i forgot how the doctors saved me.

i'm learning how to forgive myself, and how to forget.