it has been a while since i've been free from pain. it feels great to just feel normal and i am very very grateful for it.
i spent my thanksgiving, christmas and new year holidays suffering from toothache, feeling depressed and stressed. i couldn't tell my parents which would only make them worry about me far away in china, or share with my friends who were celebrating holidays.
i spent time reading, thinking, watching stupid tvs and trying to numb myself. then i remembered what my friends told me: when you have a problem, just focus on solving it. don't overthink or overstress yourself.
i felt depressed and stressed not only because of the pain but also the large bills i needed to pay, without insurance, without a job.
isn't it the best time for me to learn how to solve problems?
problem: toothache
solution: see a dentist/ become a dentist/ marry a dentist
stresses on bill, depression on suffering pain during holidays, worries about not having a job blah blah blah are all overthinking and noises, which will only dilute my attention and focus on solving the actual problem.
vera, you just got to accept and face your problem, and go f**king solve it. it does feel sucks but everyone will get sick at some point because we are all human.
what i did next?
schedule an appointment with my general dentist; find a top-rated specialist who can do the surgery asap; f**k the bill because in 2024 i'll make it all back; i didn't have time to feel depressed.
outcome?
pain relieved.
my top new year goal is to learn how to love and take care of myself.
i took too much advantage of being young and compromising my health to work. i'm grateful i learned this big lesson at the end of 2023. to enhance my learning, i had to pay back my ignorance emotionally, physically, and of course $$$.
but it's ok.
i learned a lesson and got better at problem solving. life will be full of challenges, i just got to do it.
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